The ‘I Know What You Want, Let Me Help You’ Fallacy

There is a story of the monkey and the fish from African folklore. During a massive flood in the jungle, a monkey climbed a tall tree to stay safe. Looking down, he saw a fish swimming in the raging floodwaters. The monkey thought, “Look at that poor fellow struggling in the water. It is going to drown. The fish is not clever enough to climb and save itself.” Driven by a misplaced sense of moral responsibility, the monkey decided the right thing to do was to lend a helping hand.

With great effort, and at risk to his own life, the monkey reached down, pulled the fish out of the water, and placed it safely on his branch. The fish flopped, gasped for a while, and died. The monkey remained convinced that his noble effort had at least granted the fish a respectable and dignified death. The story, of course, is not really about the monkey.

A parallel observation from daily life: far more houseplants die from overwatering than from neglect. This, too, is not about the water or the plant.

For the rest of us mortals, the takeaway is straightforward: you are under no moral obligation to hand out unsolicited advice or help under the assumption that you know what someone else needs. In fact, the genuine moral obligation is simply to stay out of other people’s business unless specifically asked.